Surfing, FOMO and the Hedonistic Treadmill

Cowabunga!

Human life often ends up being one of quiet desperation. You work hard, you achieve small successes, you have massive setbacks, and then you look out and there’s someone right there who’s doing it all better than you. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat et. all certainly have the potential to amplify that, and a lot of attention has been given to them recently but ultimately this is not a new phenomenon. Keeping up with the Joneses has been a phrase since the 50's. It's natural to compare ourselves to others, and we believe that we are doing so from an objective standpoint. A podcast on behavioural economics  I listened to (here) showed that we’re not very good at that. You are an expert on your own life, and all its shortcomings, and god they are so obvious how could anyone not see your shortcomings as well. You aren’t an expert on others lives, but the shortcomings which you miss are just not there from your own perspective.

                Today I attempted to go surfing for my first time. My Brother in law Shane has been surfing a fair amount since their time in Thailand, and I figured I was game, so I went with him and a few others to the Halifax coastline. And boy was I terrible. But it got me to thinking about surfing’s similarity to my own views on my life, that might resonate with some others. First, surfing in these conditions requires a lot of work just to get out into the ocean. You squirm your way into a wetsuit. You need to paddle yourself out, and it is easy to feel like you are not moving at all, since you are going against the currents. Second, it is not instantly intuitive. The advice I was given, once out there was “Try to stand up and hold on for your life”. So you spend all this time paddling out, expending a bunch of energy. Then you try to take a wave, and you get smashed in the face with a punch of 3⁰C water, which takes you into shore so you have to paddle out again. And man, on a personal level, I had no real appreciation of how powerful waves can be until I was smashed in the face by one of them. Meanwhile, you look at the people who have been doing it for a while, and it’s like they’re on another plane. They’re able to get out easily, then read the waves, and actually stand up and ride them. It’s pretty amazing to see, after you’ve just been exposed to how powerful and brutal the ocean’s power really is. And while they love it, you can always tell that they are excited for the next wave that will be better, and they don’t see themselves as experts either.  Last but not least, even after getting my ass kicked by the waves, I knew I was going to try again so that I could be just like them.

                Pretty great metaphor for life really. In these early times of adulthood, when I am just trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, it’s pretty similar to swimming into a wave and just trying whatever works to try and get on top of it. And this year, I have been smashed in the face a fair amount of times. Meanwhile, it’s easy to look at other people as having their shit together. Most people DO have their shit together better than me, and it can be painful to see those people who are able to do well in academics, party, have friends, succeed in love and rock some sick extra-curriculars on the side. But that said, I don’t think I know many people who really think that they have their shit totally together. While some people might be more stable, nobody really sees themselves as perfect. In fact, a lot of people would be able to name a lot of negative aspects of their life. This all fits into our self-awareness. It is much easier to examine minor details of your own life than it is to understand what is going on in others. In addition, even when you achieve certain goals and points which would appear amazing to others, you are still looking ahead of yourself, and seeing all the things you haven’t accomplished. This ties into the concept of a hedonistic treadmill: nobody ever reaches a point of perfect happiness. While privilege and wealth can gain you happiness, you still see lack of fulfillment right up to the wealthiest reaches of society. Joy is what you find in the process of attaining things.
               The Hedonistic treadmill can be manifested in my life best through the all too common problem of FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out. There's a strange doublethink that I am capable of. I can see pictures of people getting drunk as fuck in loud clubs on St. Paddy's or other holidays, and believe that that situation is what I truly want. Thing is, when I am actually in those situations I usually don't enjoy it that much. The doublethink of FOMO gets to its most ridiculous point when I am actually in one of those situations which I have fear of missing out on normally, and end up on my phone. On my phone, I'll see yet another party, and somehow truly believe that if I had only gone to THAT party, I would have been truly happy. 

              So what do we do if it's all a treadmill. Well, there's a few important things to remember. First is just attempting to look at life from a less self-critical point of view, understanding that others don't see every last thing that is wrong with you. This is a way of slowing down the speed of the treadmill for a while. Another important tool is trying to see the value in what you have. I often end up having the most fun nights out when I just let myself relax, drink, and watch a few music videos from the 2000s rather than on insane big nights out. In other words, get off the treadmill for a bit. And finally, realize that it's a damned big treadmill of a world. Even though you might not be much happier when you achieve something it's still worth pushing for those goals. After all, how else are you going to hang 10?