20

20

                In our culture there is a lot of significance placed on the years where you come of age. In film terms, this seems to happen between the ages of 15 and 24. There are countless movies about young teens learning lessons, 16 year olds finding balance, 18/19 year olds figuring out their future and 22-25 year olds learning what it means to be an adult. There’s even a Taylor Swift song for those that are fifteen, or 22. And then, there’s 20.

                I wept when I turned 20. The place I had imagined myself being by that point so starkly contrasted with the reality of the situation that I was ashamed. “I should have grown up more by now”, I thought, One of the few things I knew about being 20 was that Newton had INVENTED calculus before he reached that age. I had failed it as a course twice.

                As the day progressed, I was able to feel less bleak. Still, up to this point I’m not sure what the age of 20 means. Whether I should expect more of myself, or if everyone else is just muddling around as well. So, for propriety’s sake, I’m going to try to mould an image of what it means to me to be this strange age – 20.

                First off, you are no longer a teen. So, time to get rid of all that teenaged silliness. Drama, that shit’s for high school. Stop it. You can still party, but it’s got to be in a more mature way. “Yolo” shit is for the yoloteens. And then you take a look at your parties and there is no tangible difference. People are still the same dramatic fucks they were before, and you still have too little responsibility to show restraint in your partying. If anything, the YOLO side of things just becomes seedier, as the shit you did in high school gets passé and you move on to new experiences. If there is a defining thing about the partying at this age, it’s a sense of divine right. We are not young forever, we work hard during the week, god hath granted us Thirsty Thursdays, Fucked up Fridays and Saucy Saturdays. And on the seventh day, god lets us rest (off our hangovers).

                Another defining trait of this age range is how amorphous your identity is. Like a half-formed Kandra or a pie that hasn’t quite set, you are in a transition between the chaos and confusion of teenhood, and the point where you “find yourself” *ed note, this may never happen*. There’s tons of pronouncing yourself to be certain things, a healthy smattering of pretentious babble and a hint of superiority. It’s easy to lose yourself in the bullshit you create to prop up this rickety house of an ego you have slapped up.

                The final defining trait of 20hood is the concept of the future. This is always a pressing concern, but 20 seems to be a point where that shit gets a little bit real. In high school, life was nice and linearly arranged. Sci10-Chem11-Chem12-University. Simple. First year managed to maintain that façade, living in res is like having a parent to cook you meals, and your choice in courses tends to be limited. Then all of a sudden, this year, everything goes to hell. Living alone, providing for yourself. It is suddenly essential to be able to motivate your success, and complete the tasks you assign yourself. Lots of people I know, including myself, have found that the linear looking path I started on in high school isn’t working anymore. People switch programs, schools, drop out, get part time jobs, yet at the same time you can see around you these driven, motivated people who HAVE a long term plan. People are taking the LSATS for fuck’s sake The bizarreness of the future, mixed with the questions I had to ask about my identity overwhelmed me at the point of transition to twenty.

                I know this is just my individual account of a point in time. But we’re all muddling through this together. How do you feel about the age of 20. Are you 20 yet? Were you there long ago? Did the turning of the clock affect you, or was it just another day. Feel free to respond below.